This week, I’ve been stuck in the shit days. I’m not alone. I’ve connected with several friends this week who are also deep in the shit. There are people I know who believe in the star and planetary alignments contributing to our feels, they say we should be feeling better by Sunday. I’m happy to hear that because Sunday is coming soon!
Yesterday was the new moon in Pisces. Generally, I look to new moon as a time for dreaming, letting myself release imagine the highest good for body, home, relationships and career. It’s a good time to center myself, clear my chakras, sage and grid the house, clean, and reset. Y’all though… this whole last waning moon cycle has kicked my damn ass. Guess what? Pisces is emotional, and it is all about doing that real work and I’m feeling that hard.
You too? Glad you’re here and sorry your going through the rough stuff. *hugs*
I have an incredible reiki master that I apprenticed with who would say, “It’s easy to walk in the light on the good days.” Truth. But here we are, deep in the shit days. So what now?
Real talk. That’s what. Sure, of course, use the tools that stave off depression. Sleep. Shower. Get out in the air and sun if you can. Exercise a bit. Sing. Dance. Write. Be gentle with yourself. Insert boundaries and structure that will feed you. Tend your body and mind with kindness, throw out garbage thoughts of self-flagellation, don’t give worry power, drink water. Prioritize your wellness.
Here’s where that gets thick, where the work begins. Can you identify what is contributing negatively to your energy? It is only in being really honest about the challenges that we can make counter-choices of care to address and remedy the issues.
This week I had a lot of answers for that. And at a point, I had none. I was super moody and feeling threadbare and I sat down to free write and figure out why and found no good answers. Sometimes that happens, usually it means there are a lot of answers. But in that moment I release them all and just made self preservation choices.
There have been multiple days where all human interaction felt problematic. Social media has, more than once this past week, been a place of anxiety and upset. My child is cutting molars and having big feels, and both our sleep has been challenged for awhile now. My husband and I are a year into strict home safe from Covid quarantine, and we do really well considering but cabin fever is a thing that sometimes shows itself. We don’t go to grocery, we run zero errands, we have seen people (limited family almost exclusively) ten times in the last year. I have had one postpartum menstruation and the next didn’t show up for a month and a half, last night, in the middle of the night, while exhausted in the midst of hours of broken sleep and truly uncomfortable nursings and sleep coaching attempts. Oh, and Covid vaccines are happening but not for me yet, and I want my nursing baby to get the vaccine antibodies (maybe that helps, women’s medicine being woefully ill priority the data is not conclusive), and I have very complicated feelings of good and bad about the ending of quarantine life and heightened anxiety.
It is a lot. I’ve not listed it all, but you get the idea. I bet your list is comprehensive as well.
These are massively charged, complicated times, for sure.
Ok. I got honest about what is making me have feels. I’ve had to get really honest with myself about my limited capacity, my limited energy, and my need to make space for what I want and stop giving time to the rest. Hey, wait, that part is hard too. Stop giving time to the extraneous and give time to what matters. The work you did to tune into what is upsetting you should also be your guide where to shift your focus and time.
Let your emotions guide, believe the feelings, let them determine what does or does not need time. Create structure that honors what you need. I need to write. I need to read a new sleep training book. I needed to spend less time on socials. I reached out to select people for support. I put up boundaries with others. I stopped engaging in frustrating conversations, even small absurd angsty stuff that I couldn’t tell you exactly why it was challenged, just that it was. I stopped trying to figure out whys and just leaned into the stuff I know feels better. Yesterday, I did housework while having dance party times with the baby, we needed that too.
I am using all the tools and finding more answers than what I listed above. These are just my answers. Your needs are different and your answers will be too. I hope you do the work to find them. I hope you feel better when you shift the focus to what deserves your time and energy.
Make your space a feel better space in whatever ways you can. Redirect your energy from the shit feeling stuff. You deserve to feel good. And when you cannot yet feel good, just work for better, better, better.
I’ve not corrected it all. I’m not miraculously lifted into beams of light. We aren’t here for masking emotions and a lot of my feelings are really just and logical response to hard life stuff. But I do acknowledge that it doesn’t help me to live with my energy consumed in that way and I quickly tire of being in a crap mood. Also, toxic positivity will not help heal. So I do the work. Right now my feels are meh, but my making these active and tuned in choices I am more productive and feeling greater fulfillment.
And in the tough times you are depleted, so replenishment is vital. Actively receive the good that is with you, think about what feels good in your life or in your abilities and breathe it in. Notice if you shut off your release valve. Open it again. Step outside in bare feet on roots of tree and breathe with the rhythm of the wind. Let the person who loves you give a hug and take space to receive it. Feel the victory of a task completed, small tasks count, especially if you can receive the victory of each one.
When I do this, any or all of this, even on a tough day, there are moments where I feel joy. Life is a journey composed of moments. Every joyful moment counts.
I once told that same reiki master teacher that it felt inauthentic to help people from a stance of righteousness. I’d experienced that type of work and it did not resonate with me, to stand on high and ask someone to come up to you. She confirmed my feeling, “That’s not our work. The work is to get down in the shit, in the mud, in the muck with them, to pull it all away from their body and mind to give them enough space to breathe and feel the love.”
Sometimes we have the help of others to pull the mud away from our body and our mind so that we have room to breathe and room to feel love. Sometimes we must help ourselves feel it.
Use your tools. Make the space. Take the space.
I’ll take myself to the shower soon, wash away this moment’s mud; conscious connection of mind experience to body experience is a helpful tool. I’ll wash off the mud. I’ll scrub off the old skin that holds so much that no longer feels good. I’ll thank my body for all it does, I’ll receive the good of that moment. I’ll do the same for my home with some cleaning and some sage and receive the good of a home filled with love. Baby steps, taken as I’m able.
To be true now, I’m feeling a bit better already. Ready to embrace the new of this new moon. Ready to breathe and feel the love. It is here.
The shit days pass. For now I honor them as they are. As I continue giving time to what matters, with focus and diligence, I confidently feel that the days will be better, better, better. I am ready to receive that too.
I wish the same for you. Stay strong, friends. Connect to your center of what matters and know you are loved.